Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Contract Corner: Manny Ramirez

Over the course of my working life I've been employed at two different delis in two different parts of the state of Wisconsin. When I first entered the sliced cheese and meat market I had no idea what pastrami was. I always figured it was one of those old people meats that Nickelodeon cartoon characters would use as a token gross food product that lame grandpas would suggest instead of pizza. Boy was I wrong.

Just pastrami bein' pastrami
The first time I tried pastrami was almost an accident. I had been working at a local grocery store for several weeks before someone had actually asked me to slice some. The scent emitted from the sliced meat immediately aroused my hunger. I went on break and made myself a pastrami sandwich, I had no idea the savory magic that was about to ensue. Not knowing what to expect, I made the decision to go with the traditional huge pile of pastrami, dollop of brown mustard, rye bread sandwich. A decision that would forever alter the course of action I take at the deli counter.

See, pastrami can't really be described. I could call it a better version of bacon, but that would neglect the nuances of seasoning and texture. The point is, the dynamic power contained within the miracle meat allow for three simple ingredients to come together in perfect taste serendipity. The modest presentation and lack of flare only serve to compliment pastramis inward panache as a toothsome masterpiece.
my front row seat...TO DELICIOUSNESS!
Taking these things in to consideration, you'd be right in assuming that a pastrami sandwich of any size is a bargain. Today I went to a deli and purchased a loaf of rye bread for $4.50, a bottle of brown mustard for $3.98 and a pound of pastrami for $10 even. Let's round these things up to a total of $20.00. Using these ingredients, it would be safe to assume that you could make, at a minimum, five decently sized pastrami sandwiches. Using these figures, you could assume that, if you wanted to, you could eat a pastrami sandwich for five meals. Now lets say you wanted to spend $500,000 (the amount of Manny Ramirez's minor league contract with the Athletics) just on pastrami sandwiches. You could afford 125,000 sandwiches for that amount of money. That means that you could eat a pastrami sandwich for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day for 41,676 days. That's about 114 years of awesome sandwiches that the Athletics WASTED ON MANNY FUCKING RAMIREZ.


  1. i think that it's a steal. put him in as a DH, people say he's a good clubhouse guy, I still think he's capable of 12-15 bombs, 45 RBI's, and he'll bat .280.

    If they can get that from him after missing 50 games for 500 ger, I think they'd be more than happy with it. Low risk, incredibly high reward type deal. Who else is gonna bat DH for em?

  2. Me, i'll be loaded with pastrami muscle.

    To answer your question honestly: I don't think he's capable of anything and I'm not sure why you would. He missed all of last year, spare five games where he had one hit, and the year before that he had nine combined home runs in his time with the dodgers/white sox. the A's need to focus on development. put cespedes in center and let coco crisp DH. or don't, the A's get a resounding "i don't give a shit" from me.