Offseason Review: The Miami Marlins

Miami Marlins

If you've ever wondered what the
poor man's Jack Nicholson looks
like, Jeffrey Loria.

Fuck this team. Last year the Miami Marlins attempted to make a run at the playoffs by being impatient and signing every big name they could their stupid little hands on, which resulted three huge contracts for closer Heath Bell, shortstop Jose Reyes and veteran pitcher Mark Buehrle. Miami also signed notorious short-sighted loud mouth manager Ozzie Guillen, built a hideous new stadium and designed some weird ugly Nickelodeon uniforms to complete the makeover. This offseason they doubled down on all that impulse by firing Guillen and shipping all three of those major contracts out as well as unloading homegrown ace Josh Johnson.

The logic offered up by owner Jeffrey Loria for all this erratic behavior was that the team finished last and needed to be made over again. This was met with extreme backlash from fans, players and media. Mark Buehrle claimed that the Marlins lied on multiple occasions and violated the verbal no-trade contract agreed upon by the pitcher and the team. Giancarlo Stanton, arguably the only remaining player of any real value angrily tweeted  "Alright, I'm pissed off!!! Plain & Simple." He never apologized or went back on the tweet and is now being listened on by other teams who are more deserving of the raw talent that Stanton has to offer.

Giancarlo Stanton does not like this
WHACK SHIT.

The Marlins suck and I feel bad for all the young talent they acquired or claimed off of waivers, because I can't imagine a worse or less deserving team for that young talent to come up in.  I also feel bad for all of the fans who actually invested hope in this joke of a franchise. The only good thing Miami has done in the offseason is unload Yunel Escobar (acquired from Toronto in the Reyes/Buehrle/Johnson trade) to the Rays who were apparently looking to fill the mediocre prejudiced douche void left by Luke Scott, other than that it's all been bad. They need to do what's right and trade Stanton while he can utilize his vast talent. I'd also say that Jeffrey Loria should sell the team but since he's a soulless dickhead I can pretty much count that out. Logic says: Marlins finish in last place. 

Offseason Review: Miami Marlins

Last years batting champion, Jose Reyes.

After years of penny pinching and frenetic front office management, the Marlins decided to make a "splash" (HAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!! Cuz of fish!) and sign three huge free agents. I understand the intention of breathing new life in to a long stagnant team by pairing a new fancy stadium and spending like crazy on a haul of free agent talent, but I legitimately feel like the Marlins kind of missed the mark this Winter.

Mike Cameron Retires

Mike Cameron first put on a Brewers uniform in 2008, the most exciting year of Brewers baseball in my life. He had come to the team on a one year contract, but was immediately endeared to his fans as a clubhouse leader and committed athlete who was excited to be in Milwaukee. After one additional season in Milwaukee he signed a two year contract with Boston, who eventually released him in the middle of his second season with them. After a very brief stint in the Florida Marlins franchise he was again released, signed a minor league contract with the Nationals, and decided to hang it up after 17 MLB seasons.