Offseason Review: Chicago Cubs

Who did you really expect to see here? David DeJesus?

For a team that is in need of gradual and patient change, the Cubs sure made some drastic moves to get the ball rolling in that direction. On October 12th, 2011, just after the collapse that terminated the Red Sox season came to it's merciful end, Theo Epstein was granted his release by Boston and signed a five-year $18.5 million dollar contract with the Cubs. The replacement of longtime GM Jim Hendry with the refreshing, young and already highly decorated Epstein was heralded as a very welcome change by many Cubs fans. So does what does the infancy of the Epstein era mean for the North side of Chicago?

HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS!

Back from Arizona. Unfortunately, as I am not employed in anyway by baseball or the media covering it, I was not there on duty so my spring training experience was very limited. I did manage to go see one game and did stop at Maryvale Park when there wasn't a game going on and saw some players in their terrible casual wear.

The lack of accessible internet and general business made it really impractical to update, but I will as soon as I tie up some loose ends around here. Hope everyone had a good past week!

Contract Corner: Andy Pettite

WHAA?!

Last night I got very little sleep and had to wake up early. After running a couple errands I came home and passed out on the couch for a while watching the beginning of the Tigers Mets Grapefruit League game.  I was dozing off when I heard that the Yankees had re-signed Andy Pettite to a minor league deal, and had to pinch myself to make sure this wasn't some kind of weird dream where my brain was reporting false news to me that would only kind of matter to me. I'm not a Yankees fan, but this really surprised me.

Offseason Review: Atlanta Braves

Young Jason Heyward hopes to bounce back after a down 2011 season

The Braves have been perennially competitive for the past several years, having not endured a losing season since 2008. Last year Atlanta missed the playoffs by a heartbreakingly small and fluke fashioned margin. The Braves have many of the pieces in place to be competitive again this season and, barring markedly slow seasons by the likes of players like Jason Heyward and Brian McCann, they are definitely in the discussion for playoff potential. Given their relatively sturdy situation, Atlanta's front office was pretty quiet this offseason. That doesn't mean that units won't be moved as the season goes on.

The Brewers' Outfield Situation

After the integrity of the case against Braun disintegrated, the Brewer's were gifted with the security of having last years NL MVP back on the team for a full season. Transitively they were given another immovable component to their outfield. Last year the Brewers outfield was primarily occupied by Hart in right, Braun in left and Gomez and Morgan platooning center. The signings of Norichika Aoki and Corey Patterson, and the emergence of Logan Schafer and Caleb Gindl as legitimate players give the Brewers a healthy surplus of competent outfield talent.

Offseason Review: Washington Nationals

Ace Stephen Strasburg returning in 2012 after Tommy John surgery.

As I stated in my article about Ryan Zimmerman's extension, the Nationals aren't messing around, and this is the first year in a long time that they are set to emerge as a relevant team. There are a few key elements that need brushing up, some outfield help and bullpen for example, but the age of futility is not far from being abandoned in the nation's capitol. Last year the Nationals made, in my opinion, the second worst deal for a free agent in Jayson Werth (the first being Carl Crawford, which makes me question the whole Theo Epstein thing... more on that in a week or so when I get to the Cubs). This offseason they were abuzz with productive, gutsy moves. The acquisition and securing of young talent are setting the bullish nats up to be a force in the coming years.

Offseason Review: Philadelphia Phillies

Injured MVP Ryan Howard

Last year the Phillies were perceived to be a lock to win the World Series. Their path to the ring was going to be forged by an amazing pitching staff, recalling memories from the 90s Braves staff headed up by the likes of Glavine, Maddux and Smoltz. The result was a dominating, best record in baseball 102 win season, followed by first round elimination at the hands of the wild card Cardinals. The window for the aging Phillies is still pretty wide open, but after their regular season mastery was proven futile, the path to victory could seem a little murky.

Offseason Review: Miami Marlins

Last years batting champion, Jose Reyes.

After years of penny pinching and frenetic front office management, the Marlins decided to make a "splash" (HAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!! Cuz of fish!) and sign three huge free agents. I understand the intention of breathing new life in to a long stagnant team by pairing a new fancy stadium and spending like crazy on a haul of free agent talent, but I legitimately feel like the Marlins kind of missed the mark this Winter.

Offseason Review: New York Mets

2x Cy Young Award winner Johan Santana returns after an injury plagued 2011 campaign

This has to be the most difficult offseason review to find substance for because the Mets have done very close to nothing. Due to a whole lot of financial turmoil and a suddenly steep level of divisional competition, the Mets activity was essentially rendered paralyzed by practicality.
 

Catcher Notes: Pudge, Molina, Napoli, Varitek, Molina

Ivan Rodriguez has stated an interest in playing again this season. The former MVP has proven more than durable, carving out a major league spot behind the plate that has spanned more than two decades. Pudge can't hit like he used to, and he is coming off an injury riddled season, but he could prove relevant to a team who wants a decent bat off the bench, or just one looking for some veteran influence.

The Cardinals have extended Yadier Molina to a 5 year $75MM dollar contract. Extending catchers is always risky as it is an oft-injured position but talent like Yadier's is rare and the 3x All Star is still pretty young, and seemingly only getting better. Assuming he hits anywhere close to the way he has been for two or three of these contract seasons, maintains his glove and stays healthy, this contract will look like a bargain. Hopefully the front office told him to stop reinforcing Brandon Phillips' claims that the St. Louis Cardinals are all "little bitches" so he can refrain from flipping out and throwing punches or spitting all over the place every time he gets upset about something.

Mike Napoli was acquired for next to nothing from the Blue Jays (who incidentally acquired him only a few days before for VERNON WELLS. Still blown away by that one.) and flourished in his first year in Texas. In the latter half of the season he hit almost .400, and while that is a complete anomaly, it proves his bat is legit. He announced earlier this week that he wants to test free agency. My guess is that he plays his ass off and earns a four a five year extension with Texas that will see him in a DH role by the end of his contract.

Long time Red Sox Captain Jason Varitek and veteran backstop Bengie Molina announced their retirements earlier this week. I'm just writing this in to say congrats to the two of them on two long lasting careers. I'd be shocked if Varitek didn't stay in Boston and get some sort of front office/managerial position at some point.

Offseason Review: Texas Rangers

A New Hope

The Rangers are still going to be really good, but for the first time in 3 seasons, their hold on the division is in question. What's weird about that is that I think they are actually a better team than either of the past two years, but with the Angels sudden incorporation of acquired talent, Texas is going to have to step it up.

Offseason Review: Oakland Athletics

Hi! I'm on the Athletics!

OK, I realize it's popular to find something honorable or charming about the A's but I just don't. I've already written two separate articles discussing my confusion over two of Oakland's bigger moves and that confusion hasn't gone away. Yoenis Cespedes confused me and Manny Ramirez just pissed me off. I want to make this one brief because if I don't I'll go off on some tangent about the bastardized version of Moneyball that Billy Beane has enacted in Oakland. No one wants to hear that.

Offseason Review: The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Hometown Hero Jered Weaver

In terms of an immediate impact and difference making offseason, the Angels may have taken the cake. The addition of Pujols can't be denied, because adding the best first basemen of our generation is more often than not a good way to help your team win some games. The Angels roster is, top to bottom, pretty damn good. Since the addition of Pujols and CJ Wilson was pretty heavily publicized, I'm going to write about what could go wrong with their two major acquisitions, and some of their less obvious moves.

Contract Corner: Ryan Zimmerman

The Nats ain't fuckin' around. This offseason they've made some pretty monster moves, but the six year extension that will keep Ryan Zimmerman at the capitol's hot corner through 2019 (2020 with the club option) may be the biggest. I'm usually pretty skeptical about huge long term contracts, but skill like Zimmerman's doesn't come around too often. His career line is .288/.355/.479 career hitter and last years stats pretty much duplicate those numbers, but in the 09 and 10 seasons he batted for .297 and .307 averages respectively.

Exonerated

MVP

I tried to come up with some dignified sounding introductory sentence to this post but it's not happening, so I'm just going to be inflammatory. This fucking rules.

Offseason Review: Seattle Mariners

Last year's Mariners MVP Dustin Ackley

In terms of fast-acting impact moves the Mariners were quiet this offseason. They shed rapist shit bag Josh Lueke by trading for John Jaso and signed a bunch of depth players. There is very little to say about any of this. The strategy Seattle needs to enact is in development, and aside from hoping Hong-Chih Kuo pitches well and can stave off injury long enough to become tradeable, these moves don't necessitate much analysis. 

Contract Corner: Manny Ramirez

Over the course of my working life I've been employed at two different delis in two different parts of the state of Wisconsin. When I first entered the sliced cheese and meat market I had no idea what pastrami was. I always figured it was one of those old people meats that Nickelodeon cartoon characters would use as a token gross food product that lame grandpas would suggest instead of pizza. Boy was I wrong.

Offseason Review: Detroit Tigers

The new one-two punch

I want to preface this post by saying that, despite the fact that my loyalties lie in Milwaukee, I'm not bitter about Prince's move across the lake. I think it was beneficial for both Milwaukee and Detroit that Prince move on. Loyalty is loyalty but its 2011 and free agency is a lot different than it was in Stan Musial's day. On a personal note, as my love affair with baseball goes on, my sense of loyalty towards one team diminishes. I'm a Brewers fan, without question, but my sun doesn't rise and set on what they do. Fielder is an excellent athlete and has earned his check. I'm still going to make fat guy jokes.

Offseason Review: Minnesota Twins

After going first-to-worst in 2011, the Twins had few resources to rebuild or maintain their team in the offseason. Most of the issues responsible for their seemingly freakish collapse lie in the hands of injury. Disabled listees include, and aren't even close to limited to: Joe Mauer, Kevin Slowey, Joe Nathan, Delmon Young (twice), Denard Span (twice), Jason Kubel and the tragically concussed Justin Morneau. The Twins, being decisively out of contention by August, traded Delmon Young to Detroit for two prospects. The path was paved to a dismal 63-99 end of the season, second worse only to the utter shit show Houston Astros.

Mike Cameron Retires

Mike Cameron first put on a Brewers uniform in 2008, the most exciting year of Brewers baseball in my life. He had come to the team on a one year contract, but was immediately endeared to his fans as a clubhouse leader and committed athlete who was excited to be in Milwaukee. After one additional season in Milwaukee he signed a two year contract with Boston, who eventually released him in the middle of his second season with them. After a very brief stint in the Florida Marlins franchise he was again released, signed a minor league contract with the Nationals, and decided to hang it up after 17 MLB seasons.

Offseason Review: Chicago White Sox

What the fuck is going on in Chicago? I usually like to quiet the impulse inside of me that wants to scream that I'd be more capable of managing a team then the current staff, but the White Sox are testing me. So let's review.

The Brewers Pitching Dilemma

The men in question

The Brewers are on the cusp of having to make some extremely expensive decisions. Shaun Marcum and Zack Greinke are both free agents next season, and could fetch a pretty decent amount of money. Both pitchers have stated a desire to stay with the Crew and are waiting to talk extension. Zack Greinke, acting as his own manager since firing SFX, the firm representing him last Winter, is rumored to have already had talks with Doug Melvin. Nothing obvious has resulted so far from either player, as the decision to invest in either of these guys is a heavily nuanced situation.

Offseason Review: Kansas City Royals

Future MVP Eric Hosmer's first big league hit

The Royals, much like the Indians, made some fast moves in the earliest parts of the offseason and then dropped off. Also like the Indians, the Royals have to be strategic and timely with their investments. If they throw too much money at someone at a time when they can't compete, it's going to be paralyze them when they could. If they get too impulsive and trade a key player like Eric Hosmer or Alex Gordon, they could throw any immediate future relevance away.

Tim Wakefield retires

Tim Wakefield has been in Major League Baseball since 1992. I was six years old when he threw his first major league pitch for the Pittsburgh Pirates. At the time of his retirement, Wakefield was the oldest active player in the majors. The most amazing thing about all of that is that he was drafted to play a position he wasn't good at and wouldn't be able to form a career around. Tim Wakefield was drafted to play first base, and when a scout told him that he wasn't going to last long playing a position he started playing around with the knuckleball.

Think about that. Tim Wakefield's career was basically fated to end when he made the inscrutable decision to start throwing the sparsely seen knuckleball. This decision established the roots of a career spanning two decades, two World Series rings, exactly two hundred career wins, over two thousand strikeouts and one career home run.... yeah that's true! His legacy won't be his domination, he wasn't that dominating pitcher. It will be a testament to determination and endurance. Thanks for a fun, and unlikely career, Tim.

Offseason Review: Cleveland Indians

The Cleveland Indians didn't do a whole lot in this offseason. Given their mid-market status combined with their surprisingly dominant first third of the 2011 season, I don't think the Tribe wanted to do much more than tweak their roster before taking another run at it in 2012. Almost immediately following the conclusion of the World Series, Cleveland made a move to acquire ground ball pitcher Derek Lowe from the Braves. Lowe will join Justin Masterson and Ubaldo Jimenez as the ground balling gauntlet that the power-filled AL Central will have to contend with this year.

Pitching improvements were made even more busy when Fausto Carmona was discovered to actually be the four year older Roberto Hernandez after Dominican police reported that the pitcher had been been using an assumed name. They acquired Kevin Slowey who had just been traded to the Rockies about a month and a half prior and signed Jon Garland (best known for his work on the Bernie Mac show) who is looking to bounce back after an injury shortened 2011 season.

Grady Sizemore showing that it's never a bad idea for professional athletes to do this sort of thing, ever.

The infield defense needed some shoring up with the added emphasis on ground ball pitching so they signed the gold glove worthy Casey Kotchman who will be sharing time with Carlos Santana and Matt LaPorta. They also re-signed the constantly injured dong champion/power threat Grady Sizemore who still has potential assuming his body doesn't go in to renal failure at some point in the season. By the way, if you Google image search him you can find an even more scandalous shot involving him holding a teacup over his wiener, which he sent to his now fiancee Brittany Binger. This is just my cute way of saying congratulations to Mr. and Ms. Sizemore on their engagement!

Truth be told, Cleveland couldn't have done too much. Detroit looks pretty poised to take the division again, the Twins can't possibly be as bad as they were in 2011, Kansas City is on the very precipice of excellence, the White Sox....are going to suck, but still. They can hope that they are able to kick some ass and with a little luck compete, but it's gonna be tough.


Real quick commentary on an interesting possible x-factor here.  The infield is young and promising and if they can focus on their gloves, the Indians could be awfully tough to score on. I really like Jason Kipnis and Lonnie Chisenhall a lot. They are young and malleable and able to be coached. It wouldn't be a bad investment to keep a focus on defense and hope luck pays off.

In Memoriam: Gary Carter 04/08/1954-02/16/2012

It's been a busy/exhausting 48 hours for me but I wanted to be able to write something brief about Gary Carter, who lost his battle with brain cancer yesterday at the age of 57. I don't have to recall his hall of fame career, laden with awards and accolades. I also don't have to speak on his personality or deep faith or love of the game. If you want any of those well deserved sentiments, you can find them in seconds online.

I wanted to speak on what the life of Gary Carter, the kid, means to me on a more personal level. It's a general and uncomplicated idea, but it's also rare. Carter took the field to perform for his fans and to exhibit his love of baseball, which was explanation enough for his incredible skill to shine through. It goes without saying that kindness, humility and child like enthusiasm are a rare find on a stage where the incentive to excel is rooted in fame and huge amounts of money. Therein lies my inspiration to write to honor and esteem Gary Carter. Thank you for being "the kid". Thanks for reminding young people that baseball can stay fun even if you do it for a living. Thank you for forging a career that takes the cynicism out of people, like myself. Rest in Peace.

Offseason Review: Toronto Blue Jays

2010-2011 AL Home Run Champ Jose Bautista

Toronto's been a pretty strange place for the past couple years. The city has been mired in baseball boredom and mediocrity, finishing nowhere above third in their division every season since 2006.  Last year a small spark of promise revealed itself in out-of-nowhere MVP candidate Jose Bautista. Bautista had been waived and traded by the Pirates, Rays, Royals, Orioles and Mets before finding a home with Toronto in August of 2008. In 2010, after never having a season with more than 16 home runs, Jose Bautista hit FIFTY FOUR FUCKING HOME RUNS, leading the entire American League in that category.

Finally the team had someone to build around, and it looks like that's what's going on now. The moves have been quiet, but impressive. They did take a stab at trying to get Japanese ace Yu Darvish but fell short to the Rangers. They also were rumored to be in on the Fielder sweepstakes, but with Bautista's surprise surge and Canadian power threat Brett Lawrie coming over from the Brewers for Shaun Marcum, the front office decided not to invest heavily in more slugging. Moves like that are wise, and indicate that the Jays are biding their time for a precise time to strike. Strategy like this is crucial when you're playing in the hardest division in baseball.

Brett "I HIT BALLS GOOD" Lawrie

The hardest impact the Jays made was to shore up the ol' bullpen. They extended Casey Janssen who posted an impressive 2.26 ERA over 55 IP last year. They acquired Francisco Cordero off of free agency, and he'll be setting up for closer Sergio Santos who was acquired in a trade for Nestor Molina from the idiotic White Sox. I'll get more in to how I feel about that when I review the Sox offseason, but I wanted to give props to the Jays for some of the voodoo shit they've been pulling off the past couple years. First expunging the stench of Vernon Wells contract for catcher Mike Napoli and Juan Rivera, and now the acquisition of a really, really good looking youngish arm in Sergio Santos. I'm not sure what baffles me more, the Jays luck/ability to manipulate trades or the teams they trade with being insistently counter-intuitive with the concept of trade value.

The Jays still have a ways to go. They extended the shaky Brandon Morrow who has yet to live up to expectation. Kyle Drabek showed a whole lot of promise in the minors and showed questionable results in the bigs, but has a while to shake it off. Patience is key. The franchise looks on the up and up and the management appears to be competent enough to keep them in that direction. I'm gonna guess the the Jays finish five games above five hundred this year. Expect to see a whole lot more dingers up in the Rogers Centre this year.

And a whole lot more goofy freakouts too.

Oh and I almost forgot that, maybe more important than anything else, the Jays got tired of their weird extreme determined Blue Jay logo and brought back this classic. Can't go wrong.

Contract Corner: Yoenis Cespedes

The newest/highest paid member of the Oakland Athletics

So I totally shit the bed on Sunday when I said the Yankees were gonna be the surprise team in on Cespedes. The Oakland A's (of all teams) came out of nowhere with $36MM in hand and signed him for four years. I'm not exactly sure what the hell to make of this, because the A's have made it pretty clear by stripping their rotation and trading off their closer that they do not intend to compete in the next year, or likely the year after that.

One argument could be made that if Cespedes succeeds to an ideal extent, an unlikely scenario by my estimate, that the $36MM four year deal could be a bargain. He has huge raw power and is going to be given an immediate shot in the bigs to become the A's every day right fielder. There is an immense hype surrounding the defector, who put up a .333/.424/.667 line with 33 home runs in 99 RBIs in 90 games over 2010-2011, but he's playing in unfamiliar territory. I'll get in to what this means for the A's specifically more when I do my offseason review (get ready for 15 paragraphs on the impact of Jonny Gomes), but for now I'll say this. If Cespedes pays off and performs to his ceiling, Billy Beane will have maybe earned his extension, if not, he's going to make Lew Wolff look like the biggest rube on the planet.

Offseason Review: Tampa Bay Rays

My pick for AL ROY 2012

This time last year the Rays were a team patching up a roster that had a budget-induced wound the size of the highest paid outfielder of all time. They replaced Carl Crawford with Johnny Damon and Manny Ramirez, the latter of whom was suspended and subsequently retired amidst the deserving boos of many-a Tampa Bay fan. They lost their closer to free agency and replaced him with aging reliever Kyle Farnsworth. They lost game after game after game. ESPN posted an article written to express that, while the season started rough for many teams, it would only be a matter of time before they righted the ship. The Rays, however, were doomed.

Come October, they proved them wrong. The upstart Tampa Bay Rays played solid, determined baseball through the entire second half of the season. The incentive of a championship was so far removed from a logical conclusion that the determined, focused style of play exhibited by Tampa Bay can only logically be attributed to immense talent. They didn't make it out of the first round, but the fact that the ragtag Rays even made it to the postseason was landmark.  I remember the night when they locked down the wild card, as does anyone else who cares about baseball. It was epic, and the only team who I wanted to see win the whole goddamn mess more was my hometown Brewers.

Today is Monday, February 13th, and I hate the Tampa Bay Rays. And why is that? Why would I hate a team with such a Cinderella conclusion to what should have been a totally shitty season? Why would I hate a team that does all of the little things a team with a tiny budget has to do to stay competitive? A team with an elite pitching staff, won of whom took home rookie of the year for last season and another one who I'd put money on to do the same this year, why?! A team that in many ways is structured the way my hometown team was for years, why the hate?! Here is why.

 

 Two pretty quiet and inconsequential moves brought a sex offender and red faced racist to the team. Former Oriole Luke Scott was picked up out of free agency after a totally unimpressive years where he batted .220 with a .301 OBP and 9 hate fueled home runs. He also took time away from his mediocrity to tell a reporter that he didn't believe that Obama wasn't born here, and throw plantain chips at his black teammate while telling him to stop behaving like an animal. Then there is Josh Lueke. Acquired from the Seattle Mariners for catcher John Jaso. A relief pitcher with great stuff, major league promise without a doubt. He's also a TOTAL RAPIST.  I don't want to get too in to the details because it doesn't really have to do with an offseason review, just Google Josh Lueke and it'll come up almost immediately. I usually don't let ethics or opinions interfere with my ability to like an athlete or a team, but rape and blatant, vocal hate cross lines. It's one thing for an athlete to be a prototypical jock, or say something stupid in the heat of the moment, but what happened with these dudes is totally inexcusable. I've said it before and I'll hold to it if it ever occurs, if people like this were on my team, I'd root for someone else.

ITS KEPPINGER TIME!

I'm gonna step down from my pulpit and actually analyze the moves they've made. They are scarce so there isn't much to say. Jeff Keppinger provides some depth to an already pretty decent infield. Luke Scott is replacing Johnny Damian at DH... I can't really explain that one, pretty dumb given Damian's affordability and maintaining solidity. Carlos Pena returns to Tampa which is a step up from Dan Johnson as far as offense is concerned, and since they let Casey Kotchman walk defense obviously doesn't mean shit to them, so that's cool. The best thing they did was locking up Matt Moore for five years at $14MM. Moore at just 17 days of major league experience and 10 innings of purely brutal postseason madness and proved the quality people had expected of him. Assuming he stays healthy, $14MM over five years is gonna look awfully affordable for that dude.

"Baseball genius" Joe Maddon

Also extended this offseason was the Napolean of a roster with consistently hemorrhaging talent, manager Joe Maddon. Year after year this dude brings it to the table and proves that he ain't nothin' to fuck with, bringing his small market team a .509 W/L record in the toughest division in baseball. This extension TOTALLY RULES for Maddon. It puts slack on the pressure that comes with being largely accountable for the performance of a team totally stilted by a low budget. If young'n GM Andrew Friedmen's luck runs out, it doesn't necessarily spell the end of Maddon's tenure as manager, even if it does diminish his credibility.

So where does that leave the Rays for 2012? In a competitive seat for sure. No one in the AL East is ever definitively behind the steering wheel, but the talent that exists in the Rays (no matter how loathsome some of it is on a personal level) can't be denied. Keep an eye on Desmond Jennings and Matt Moore if you're interested in seeing some crazy electric talent in its blossoming stages.

What To Do About Hamels' Contract

Dashing

 The Philadelphia Phillies' number one handsy boy Cole Hamels is set to face free agency, and it brings up a serious set of issues for the Phillies front office to deal with. As far as payroll is concerned, it seems the sky's the limit, but with how long ownership will want to pony up enormous contracts for a surefire championship teams that aren't winning championships is hard to say. Don't get me wrong, I think the window for the Phillies to win is still wide open, but it's closing fast, and we're talking about a player with one year left before he reaches a very lucrative free agency.

Adorable

The starting three in the Phillies rotation kicks ass right now. Halladay, Lee and Hamels were a very integral part in making Philadelphia the best team by record in baseball last year. Veteran goatee king Joe Blanton and promising young right hander Vance Worley round out as solid of a four and five as any rotation could have.  Hunter Pence is an amazing trade acquisition from last year to help cover the loss of Raul Ibanez who aged himself out of the roster. The offense is still good, but the core of it is aging. So what does this have to do with Hamels?

Priceless

 

Well, assuming the front office learned anything from Ryan Howard, it means that salary and years are going to have to be a rational factor in how Hamel is approached. Not just from the standpoint of Hamels, but how the team is going to be restructured once the already pretty old players get older. Hamels isn't going to settle for a three year deal when pitchers like CJ Wilson are getting paid up the ass by the Angels, but the Phillies aren't going to want to throw an amount of money at him that could anchor them down to irrelevance. If I were Cole I'd tell Heidi (the beautiful minx in the past two pictures) to start looking at real estate in New York or Los Angeles and get ready to pitch my ass off for the next six months.


I know that none of the media I've posted on here is baseball relevant, so here's a video game home run Cole Hamels crushes off of R.A. Dickey in MLB The Show. MRsuh1312 deems it "rettarted"

Rettarted indeed!

Offseason Review: The New York Yankees

The Yankees destroying the Brewers in a 2011 interleague game

Uncharacteristically, the Yankees have had two consecutive pretty slow offseasons in terms of the exploiting the free agent market. Not that they hadn't tried. Last year it was all but certain that Cliff Lee was going to be wearing pin stripes until he took a pay cut to pitch for the Phillies, and the same thing happened this year with C.J. Wilson turning down more money to go to the Angels. I'm not totally sure about how actively they pursued Yu Darvish but all reports suggested unambitiously low bids.

Newest Yankees slaughterhouse, Michael Pineda

The Yanks quietly pulled off some of the more important/impressive/risky moves of the offseason. C.C. Sabathia was expected to opt out of his contract, but GM Brian Cashman wasted no time offering a hearty $25MM one year extension (with an additional $25MM vesting option with a $5MM buyout) to his contract. The Yankees also engaged in, almost without question, the weirdest trade I've ever seen. On January 23rd, the bombers and Mariners traded top prospects. Promising young slugger Jesús Montero was traded along with Hector Noesi for a highly touted pitching prospect named Michael Pineda, as well as another young pitcher Jose Campos. In my personal opinion the Yanks stole the show on this one. I happened to watch one of Pineda's starts last year and almost everything about it looked smooth and dominating. Lot's to look forward to regarding that trade.

Realistically there isn't much the Yanks had to do. They shedded the soon-to-be-traded A.J. Burnett from the rotation and added in Hiroki Kuroda, good move. People always assume that New York automatically has to pull off some ape shit move in the offseason, totally forgetting that they still have an amazing first infield, amazing-ish outfield (I could see Curtis Granderson contending strongly for MVP for the next three or four years), amazing closer, solid bullpen and pretty decent rotation. The thing is I think they still may pull off the craziest shit ever and put some enormous money in front of Yoenis Cespedis. For those of you don't know who Cespedes is please click the video below. He had a weak  showing in the Dominican League this Winter but that wasn't totally shocking as it came off a year hiatus from the game. I've heard comps to a young Bo Jackson. If that happens, this dude is going to slay everything in sight for years.

 

THIS VIDEO IS TOTALLY RIDICULOUS! WATCH!

Offseason Review: Baltimore Orioles

The Orioles played a crucial part in the biggest night in baseball last season. September 28th, crawling towards midnight, Jonathan Papelbon blows what would be his last save opportunity in a Red Sox uniform. One strike away from securing the wild card and the unlikely combination of a Nolan Reimold game tying double and Robert Andino walk off single secured a season ending dagger for the Sox.

Since then they've done almost nothing besides piss South Korea off by signing their top pitching prospect Seong-Min Kim out of protocol. There isn't much Baltimore can do though besides be very patient and rebuild. Unfortunately for Buck Showalter and Dan Duquette it looks like management will have to symbolically turn over a few more times before the talent and farm system produce talent that can be even remotely competitive. Signing Ayala, Betemit and Larish are this years Derrek Lee are Vlad Guerrero contracts, pithy bandages and desperate looking trade chips for a team that can't possibly compete.

Adam Jones and Nick Markakis are legitimate trade candidates, and I think both good grab a good haul. Guthrie just got traded to the Rockies for next to nothing. The process is going to be slow and frustrating, especially when fans have to see these guys chase the unabating juggernaut Yankee and Red Sox.  Expect the Orioles to finish dead last. Next year too.

Contract Corner: Billy Beane's monster extension

no, no, no, no, no......

Billy Beane has been extended as the General Manager for the Oakland Athletics through the 2019 season....no no no no bad bad no no bad bad bad bad bad no....

OK look, I don't hate Billy Beane. I understand sabermetrics and their value and realize what putting moneyball in to the limelight did for baseball. I also get that rebuilding takes time and that for small market teams competition is a perpetually uphill battle. Benefit of the doubt aside, the A's haven't enjoyed a postseason berth since 2006. That's five completed seasons for a team in a four team division. A team that seems to be an undying state of rebuilding

I'm not supposing that Beane deserves to lose his job, but why would you want to secure the job of the head of a management staff who hasn't won in THIRTEEN CONSECUTIVE SEASONS for another SEVEN YEARS!? Shouldn't he have a little bit of a fire under his ass, so as to prevent consistent manic rebuilding? If Beane's personality resembles Brad Pitt's spazzy disjointed depiction of his, then the A's should be very, very worried about the next half of a decade plus.

Before anyone gets up in arms about this, ask yourself this. If Jim Hendry was depicted by Ryan Gosling in some movie glorifying the modest accomplishments that the Cubs had achieved under his tenure, would he still have his job? Yep! He totally would.  They should have kept him on until 2016, waited on a new stadium, collected revenue and hoped in one hand, while signing a pink slip with the other. If the experiment fails in that amount of time, it's probably time to rebuild the front office, manically.

Offseason Review: Boston Red Sox

I know there is a good chance that we'll see some last minute trades and signings, but with the 2012 season just weeks away I figured I'd start recapping the offseason team by team. I'm going do it Eastern, Central, Western, American League first.
 

BOSTON RED SOX

Perennial MVP Candidate Adrian Gonzalez

Last year I picked the Red Sox to beat the Phillies 4-1 in the World Series. WOOPS! This year I predict that the Boston Red Sox are going to beat the Phillies 4-1 in the World Series. Here's why: the Red Sox went all out in acquiring and signing Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford respectively. And while there was a bust in Crawford, Gonzalez did exactly what he was expected to do, and that is smash the living shit out of the ball.  The starting three pitchers should be, at the very, very least competent enough to win games assuming they stay healthy. By my estimation it would be a very reactionary move to identify a team of this caliber with last year's late season collapse.

The Red Sox let iconic fist pumping, death glaring closer Jonathan Papelbon walk and responded by acquiring Mark Melancon from the Astros and Andrew Bailey from the Athletics. They are replacing a mediocre/aging J.D. Drew with possible breakout candidate Ryan Sweeney who is trading in the cavernous Coliseum for the hitter-friendly Fenway Park. There is a weak back two spots in the rotation but Oswalt is a likely candidate to help shore that up, and with the likely departure of (probably former) captain Jason Varitek, a door opens for promising catching prospect Ryan Lavarnway.

THE POWER OF RYAN LAVARNWAY



The only major issue is at short. The Sox...for whatever reason... traded away Jed Lowrie in the Melancon deal and Scutaro for RHP Clayton Mortensen. They have Nick Punto, but I can hardly type that out without wanting to punch a whole in my goddamn computer screen for how goddamn stupid it is to not even trying to rely on Nick goddamn Punto to play the hardest defensive position in baseball... still I'm sure they will figure it out. Worst case scenario, Pedro Ciriaco is in their system and for some dumb reason I have faith in that guy.

Nick Punto in all his wobbly glory

Seriously though, you have my prediction. Boston Red Sox in five.

Contract Corner: Elvis Andrus, Jeff Suppan

2010 All Star Elvis Andrus

Yesterday the Texas Rangers and shortstop Elvis Andrus avoided arbitration by coming to an agreement on a three year 14.4MM contract. This is a pretty sensible contract, albeit questionable in necessity. The three year deal eats all of his arbitration seasons doesn't delay his free agency, so it kind of begs the question as to why this would even need to happen? With promising prospect Jurickson Profar waiting in the wings it seems a little premature to lock someone down at a position that's as difficult to draft suitors for as shortstop. Still, three years gives both players time to prove their  respective roles in the organization. If I had to guess, they wanted to lock proven all-star Elvis Andrus down in case his value increases without gambling a whole lot of cash.  All in all I'd say it's a win.

As a Brewer's fan seeing this dingus' face pisses me off, but I guess I get it. Depth is important for any franchise and it won't be bad for Padres coming up to get some pointers from ol' soup but don't expect much in terms of quality.  Apparently he'll make almost a mil if he makes the majors but given his close to 5 ERA last year in Kansas City's minors, I wouldn't count on it. You can pretty much copy and paste the review of this deal for Russell Branyan and Mike Cameron's contracts using mediocre offensive/defensive stats. Wasn't even thinking about the fact that they are all ex-Brewers.